"It's like a movie starring my ass!"
Once upon a time there was a girl named Jess. Jess liked to shop. One day Jess bought some beige pants from Amerian Eagle. They had little frays around the pocket and cuffs to make them look retro, but what Jess truly loved was the tiny pink eagle under the butt pocket. However these pants were purchased in such haste that Jess did not learn their powerful secret. These pants were in fact ass pants. They were built for the sole purpose of flashing three quarters of the wearers ass to over-power and distract all attractive men in the viscinity.
Weeks later when Jess finally wore her new pants it didn't take her long to realize their power. It happened when she sat down in class and felt a cool breeze brush accross her ass. She had never had this much ass refreshment publicly before, and she liked it!
Soon she realized that with a slight bend, upwards of four inches of ass-crack could be exposed leaving every man drooling in her wake, and every woman green with envy. Jess used her ass pants to get free pizza, have others write Biology exams for her, and to have candy delivered.
But one day her ass pants stopped working. It seemed that society had grown accustomed to Jess' semi-exposed posterior. On that day Jess decided to simply enjoy her pants for the crack freedom they allowed, and not get hung up on the loss of their former power. To this day she walks the streets brandishing her bleoved bum delivering telegrams to her fans always ending with: "With a love that echoes through the ages... Sexually yours, your Rumpy Doppleganger, Jess."